Friday, February 20, 2009

Talk Like That

This will be my one and only say on the issue. After this post it done with, I won’t be responding to nasty comments, nasty posts or any other kind of attack, here or anywhere else. It’s not worth the hassle. It’s pointless. I know this post will alter nothing, and some will be disagree that I’ve felt the need to say this much, but it’s a release for me. And that’s what this blog has always been about. If I change that, I might as well quit now.


Last night, I went to bed physically angry. A few weeks worth of anger I’d been bottling up, I think. My heart was beating faster. I was breathing heavier. And not in a good way. I’d waited for something to load an hour earlier, and couldn’t sit waiting for it. I’d paced into the kitchen and back again. Tense wasn’t the word.

I’ve dealt with bullies before. There’s only two ways I’ve ever found of dealing with them effectively; hit them hard, once, to let them know you won’t take it, or don’t let them bully you.

The physical violence bit I’ve tried to eschew. My attitude was always that they can only bully you if you let them. If they try and ostracize you? Walk away first. If they mock you, don’t respond. Don’t react. Stone face. You’re only a target if you stand still and take it. Walk away.

That was when I could turn around and look the bullies in the eye. And to be fair to those who bullied me (some of whom I’m still in loose contact with), I got an apology off most of them.

On the Internets, you can’t force someone to look you in the eye. You can walk away, but that doesn’t mean the attacks will stop. Flying under the radar up until now has leant me a certain protection – as has the fact that I’ve always attacked arguments on their relative merits, and not attacked people personally. I’ve had run-ins with those from both sides of the political divide, but it’s always been kept within the boundaries of decency.

Up until now. We all know why, and I’m just going to say this on why we didn’t hide it:

My attitude was that there would be those who would be watching closely enough to divine our relationship anyway, and that by not posting things we wanted to post, we would be losing something for no gain.

I refuse to hide in shadows because a select group of people will try and have cheap shots at Jeremy through me. But I will not be used as a weapon against him by responding and encouraging them. At the same time, although I left a comment or two on certain blogs when it first became clear I’d be used as a target, I’ve nipped that in the bud. I don’t gain anything by reading or commenting at sites determined to mock people I care about, and I certainly don’t get anything out of reading anonymous comments talking about my supposed sex life and supposed weight.

I’d take it personally if it wasn’t clear that these people are the lowest of the low. But they aren’t worth my time. My energy. I’m angry at myself that they’ve gotten this much, but I’m getting this down once and for all, and then I’m walking away from the nastiness. This is my detox.

Anonymity on the internet I’ve never craved. Even now, even when things are starting to get nasty for no other reason than who I am happy with, I don’t want to hide. Others might, but that’s not for me. I’ve got nothing to lose from this position: you know who I am, you know my name. I’m not hiding. I’m happy, we’re happy. So what? You want to have a crack because of who I’m with? Go ahead. But you won’t get anything from me. At the end of the day, I go home to someone I love and respect. And nothing anyone says or does on the Intertubes – no amount of anonymous high school bullying is going to change that.

But I’m not playing the mind games, either. You’ve got a problem with something I’ve said? Fine. Disagree? Dandy. Take it on. But I won’t engage with anyone who uses low-blows, trades insults from a position of anonymity or drags my personal life into discussions where it has no place. Especially if you’re using me as a way of getting to my partner.

And may I take this opportunity to remind you of my comments policy? Any comments using personal attacks on me or mine will be deleted. Same goes with any other commenter – if you attack them personally I’ll warn you once if you don’t know about the policy and then it gets binned: It’s my blog, my discretion. If you don’t like it, feel very free to fuck off.

37 comments:

Ross Sharp said...

And at the end of the day, those who take these pot shots under the cover of anonymity will wobble home from their sad little jobs to their sad little rooms to sit on their sad little backsides jabbing their sad, sweaty little fingers at their grimy little keyboards, the keys all clogged up with random bits of dried up snot and biscuit crumbs and stray pubic hairs and there they sit and will continue to sit until they pass on, their sad little presences on this earth unnoticed by all and sundry while the rest of us cavort happily under the sun out here in the real world doing real things with real people.

Even Lifeline would probably refuse to take their calls.

Scott said...

Speaked well, Keri.

cosmicjester said...

good post keri. i must admit JF beck and his comment section has to be one of the only blogs that has gotten me physically angry, and all from a little jerk who stays anonymous anyways.
i tease him about his obsession with sear, but after looking through some of his older posts attacking sear and scott, it really is fucking disturbing. dont let the sexless wonders and fucktards bother you

Jayne said...

Fuck-sticks and knob-jockeys are merely yappy canines with no purpose in life but to be used as fleabag dust-catchers.
Roll up the newspaper and get a bucket of cold water for the dipshits :)

Michelle said...

Well said.

iainhall said...

Keri
Now I hope you don't take this the wrong way because you know very well that I have nothing but good wishes for you and Jeremy and your making a future together
I am sorry to hear or see that you feel that you are under attack because of "who you are with" I think that is an inevitable consequence of keeping company with some of the Grods crew who delight in doing exactly what you complain about Beck doing to you; they snipe at people from the cover of the internet's easy anonymity and use it as a licence to act like utter scum bags.In such company why are you surprised that anyone should feel that you are a fair target? (I don't endorse or support such things BTW)
I know It is easy to say but these things pass and indifference seems to be the best cure in the long run and if you don't feel that right now then it may be a good idea to "fake it until you make it"
Cheers & best wishes

Jeremy said...

OH, get stuffed Iain. No-one at Grods (let alone me) has ever done to you anything close to what Beck has done to both me and Keri.

I do love your "I'm not endorsing it but I am actually endorsing it" line though. Hilariously insincere.

Keri said...

Not one of the Grods crew - anonymous or otherwise - has EVER said the things about your partner or anyone elses partner that Becks commenters said about me, Iain.

And Beck doesn't know me from a bar of fucking soap. He just used me as a cheap shot. How would you feel if I started in on your wife and her supposed sex life? Would that be an "invetable consequence"?

You link to Beck. Does that mean your wife is fair game?

No, it doesn't. Because unlike Beck and his anonymous, gutless cronies, I've got a shred of human decency in me.

And I'm not surprised as such, Iain. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to think it despicable. Anyone with dignity would.

iainhall said...

Keri
I link to Beck for much the same reasons as LE does he can be rather funny and amusing. That does not mean I endorse everything he writes and I certainly don't endorse the personal attacks directed at you from some of his anonymous commentators.
But then again I link to you as well and I know that you have in the past rejected my requests to rein in your own commentators when they have attacked me.It just goes with the territory and because I enjoy your electronic company (what you write)I am willing to take most of the crap directed at me here in my stride.
Jeremy
Just look back through the commentary directed at me during the last few years, not just At Grods but by the players around it as well,My sexuality has been called into question innumerable times, it has been suggested that my children are being abused, that I beat my wife, none of which is true.My children have been implicitly threatened. I have had my home address published ect ect...
I disapprove of your relationship with Keri being mocked or derided as much as you do, love is hard enough to find at the best of times, but you guys seem solid enough that this crap will ultimately be of no consequence. All that I can suggest is that you consider the fact that to make steel you have to put the iron in to the fire and that you guys will be stronger having endured this crap together.

Keri said...

"But then again I link to you as well and I know that you have in the past rejected my requests to rein in your own commentators when they have attacked me."

No, I didn't want to have a comments policy unless I had to. I told you at the time that if it happened again I would have to implement one. Since then I have done so.

Iain, I'd like you to point out where any of the Grods writers have made comments of the nature, or where comments were made and not condemned. I'm curious to know when and where they were written.

Chuck A. Spear said...

Wouldn't a post like this give the likes of Beck the satisfaction he craves?

I write under the name 'Chuck' but most people know who I am. That aside, you and Jeremy must have expected this reaction from Beck, Hall and co. So why get upset when these tools react the way they do?

It Beck and Hall for fucks sake! Like, srsly?

Keri said...

Yes, Chuck, as i've explained before, I expected it. Does that mean it's okay? No.

And I don't xare what others get out of this. I didn't write this for others. I wrote it for me.

iainhall said...

Chuck
show me anywhere on the net where I have mocked the relationship between Jeremy and Keri. The fact of the matter is that I have not done so at all. In fact I have publicly and explicitly wished them well on a number of occasions, including here in this thread.

Chuck A. Spear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chuck A. Spear said...

Why don't you condemn it then, Iain, instead of unlocking your creepy flame blogs (one aimed at Keri)?

iainhall said...

I don't know what you are on about Chuck, apart from being a hypocrite. Read a few comments threads at Grods and then tell me that your crew are all paragons of good blogging behaviour showing respect to all of your interlocutors.

Kartar said...

I've obviously missed something here. I've never understood the need for either side - left or right - to descend into playground name calling and personal attacks.

Surely, parties on both sides find the political views of their opponents abhorrent enough without needing to play the "You smell, blah, blah, blah" crap.

Everyone should just grow up and talk politics not people.

Chuck A. Spear said...

So you know what being a hypocrite is like then, Iain?

C'mon, as if you give a fuck about Keri and Jeremy. You love seeing other cuntz stick the boots in at Beck's shithole. I don't buy your 'sincerity' for a second.

You are as transparent as the windscreen on your noddy car.

As far as the pinheads go at Grods, I love the comment threads. Especially the ones about you and Leon. Laughs all 'round.

So , did , like , Crikey , get back to you . ? Sarcasm my arse .

thr said...

My children have been implicitly threatened.

Which is to say, they haven't been threatened at all. You're a liar. You're making things up. (Note the use of apostrophes, and commas, please).

If not, please provide evidence, you degenerate scumbag.

iainhall said...

Thank you Chuck and thank you Hap for proving my point so concisely.

When you can't win the argument with facts and reason you instantly resort to abuse.
You two are part of the reason that Keri was attacked (at Beck's Blog) in the first place because you're part of the abusive crew she hangs with, and your behaviour helps to set the bench marks for commentary anywhere that you all go on the net.

Keri said...

THR - Make the point without the personal shit, please.

Iain, the people who had a go at me would have done so regardless of the "abusiveness" of anyone at Grods. Anyone who says what they said would have done so anyway.

Kartar - Probably best you missed it. But I agree. Play the table, not the player.

Chuck A. Spear said...

You two are part of the reason that Keri was attacked (at Beck's Blog)

That's bulldust Iain and you know it.
Keri was attacked because of her relationship with Jeremy - the guy you and Beck despise (you know Jeremy Iain - you photoshoped his head on a muppet having sex).

So spare us your holier-than-thou shtick. Maybe you should listen to your own advice.

Do you wonder why you are treated with such contempt where ever you go on the net?

What Beck has facilitated at his blog is gutter trawling shit - shit that you or Leon don't condemn.

So as long as 'The Grods Crew' are attacked in this way by the blogs you frequent it's open season on you and your ilk as far as I'm concerned.

Chuck A. Spear said...

Ch

Chuck A. Spear said...

I retract what I have said in regard to involving you with Beck and Keri, Iain.

thr said...

Well, I apologise for the language, Keri, but not the sentiments.

The line Hall is peddling here is similar to that on other right-leaning blogs. It's basically an attempt to reduce all questionable internet behaviour to moral equivalence. People have allegedly wronged Iain, therefore, everybody else is fair game.

The problem with this is that Hall is starting from a position of complete dishonesty. Among the list of alleged wrongs, he claims his family has been threatened. This is an obvious lie. How many other lies are in his litany of complaints?

We need to reject all claims of moral equivalence before even attempting to have a sensible discussion with these trolls.

Keri said...

Yes, THR, I'm not a fan of the "people you know or are loosely connected with have said questionable things in the past therefore you are fair game" line. Especially since those espousing it would never concede to it working both ways.

iainhall said...

Hap
Just explain to me just what stake you have in any arguments that I have had with Jeremy or even Greado in the past?
As far as I can see you have no direct interest at all and frankly you should butt out of other people's arguments. It is peripheral players like yourself who keep these arguments going even when the main players are sick of it. Now considering that I can prove that you have acted illegally to attack me it is utterly despicable that you try to suggest that I am lying here.

Fang said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
thr said...

You're a proven liar, Hall. Nobody has ever threatened your family. If I'm so 'peripheral', you might wish to explain why you've offered bribes to 'out' me.
In any case, I have no ongoing stake in the argument, but I will correct obvious lies, just as I did the other week.

iainhall said...

Hap
as you have admit that you have no stake in any old conflicts that i have had in the past you now have absolutely no reason to involve yourself any further with them now, especially as I have made peace with Jeremy and Gread has repeatedly insisted publicly that she "does not care" about any long dead blogs.
Now I could enter into dialogue with you about the things that you claim that I am lying about but frankly you are not worth the key strokes to do so.But if you are really keen by all means send the details of your allegation to me and I can have a good laugh, after all you know what my email address is don't you?
As for the Scotch I really can't believe that you are still on about it, that was nearly a year ago now and anyone would think that I had a contract out on your life from the way you still whine about it.
After you hacked my blogs and my emails (and I worked out it was you who did it) you were very keen to cease hostilities but all that you have done in the interim is prove that your word means nothing.

Just as a reminder I quote your last email

I am sincere about ceasing the blogwar with you, and this will be my final email on this, or any other subject to you. You can't get a better undertaking than that. Furthermore, I am prepared to cease mentioning anything at all about you on comment threads where your name is mentioned.
An undertaking that you have never lived up to

Cheers

Iain Hall

thr said...

Stick to the thread, Hall, and not your cock and bull stories.

You said the vilification of Keri was an 'inevitable consequence' of her associates. You portrayed yourself as a victim, and said your family had been threatened.
Perhaps you could show us all the proof of this alleged threat.

iainhall said...

Hap
I do not have to prove anytrhing to you, especially as you have admitted that you have no stake in the matter.
as for my opinions of matters that may affect Keri that is between she and I and we have been in correspondence about it. Once again it is of no concern to you whatsoever so butt out.

Chuck A. Spear said...

After you hacked my blogs and my emails (and I worked out it was you who did it)

That comment just shows how much you don't know, Iain.

iainhall said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Keri said...

Iain, I won't have e-mail correspondence published in the comments of this blog unless I see you have permission of the sender to do so.

Hence the deletion.

iainhall said...

Please explain Keri, because I am just following the precedent set by the author of the email I quoted when she published a email written by me and on that occasion I had a specific disclaimer forbidding republication at the end of my email. To my mind that suggests that she should be entirely happy if I treat her email exactly the same and publish any of it as I please.

Caspar said...

good onya Keri. Its a great feeling when you realise you aren't in high school, or some other environment where you are forced to spend time with people who want to bully you and make you feel bad, and when someone tries it on you realise attempting to remain in their social scene just isn't worth it, and walk away to spend time with your friends or even yourself, because there is no reason to waste your time exposing yourself to that shit anymore.

I had just such an experience not long ago, where an immature fuck who I'd been avoiding as much as possible came over to sit next to me at a pub and attempt to taunt me.

After turning his questions and comments back on himself I simply said I was feeling sleepy and had to go to bed, got up, walked away, and had a good time somewhere else.

It amazes me to find some people have remained immature and insecure bullies years and years after they get out of high school, and still think their petty mind games actually matter.

Meanwhile, anybody with an ounce of intelligence has moved on to making themselves and others around them feel good about their lives, encouraging, supporting and praising the positive in people rather than picking on what they perceive as others weaknesses.

Although I suppose you only have to look at Parliament and comments like those directed at Christopher Pyne {Tony Abbott recently made a comment in the powder room after a tv appearance saying Chris would probably prefer his make up left on, and Gillard's comments were just as despicable, given the underlying context of rumors about Pyne's sexuality which she must have been aware of}, for proof that some people never grow up, and unfortunately remain in positions of power even after they graduate from the schoolyard.