Thursday, November 27, 2008

If you've left me, why aren't you gone?

*Just a quick not: This is the worst five percent of how I feel. For the maybe thirty seconds at a time. I'm not a moper, but it feels dishonest to pretend I never feel this way. Yes, i'm not always Pollyanna

Every day, you creep into my thoughts in a new and perplexing way.

I still haven't found a way to divorce your memory from the however-many years I knew you.

I don't love you anymore, but the memory of that love can still take my breath away.

If I think about it, in total honesty, I never want to love someone as much as I much as I loved you again. It gives the other person too much power.

Which is why, in my darker, more bitter moments, I think it's likely i'll never be in a serious, committed relationship again.

I wish I could hate you. I wiah you hadn't been a part of every strong emotion I felt for those years.

Butt I still don't wish i'd never met you.


Iain Hall said...

Memories of the loves that we have had in the past never go away but they linger in the forefront of out thoughts for as long as there is nothing to displace them. Many years ago a friend told nm that the best cure fro a broken heart was to find a new object of your affection. We can easily make grand promises to ourselves that,if we keep them, would mean that we would not seize upon life's opportunities...
Some how I can't see you being like Miss Havashem Keri

dam buster said...

Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.... or some such shit! You will be right Keri. Everyone misses the good things about old relationships. We soon forget the crappy bits which make us look back fondly on them.

Bruce said...

You just got 1600+ words out of me.

Keri said...

Iain - I'm not sure about that. I haven't been single the entire time since we broke up, and like I said, it's the worst five percent of what I feel.

Most of the time, I'm great.

DB - That's true. It's easier to remember the good things than the bad.

Bruce - I love what you wrote. Not enough people talk about being single by choice.

dam buster said...

Keri - I think it is a natural thing to try and forget the shit and reflect on what was good.

Not many people want to remember all the bad things. I thin kthat is why people often go back to bad relationships. They forget the crap they used to go through.

Keri said...

DB - Very true. After all, I went back to him twice!

dam buster said...

Keri - really? well be glad you discovered that ultimately you would not work out before things got more serious (married with kids).

Gebadia Smith said...

Have you read Pablo Neruda "Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines."

I just saw a lot of the same feeling in your writing as I did in that poem..