Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Things overheard in a pub

Was waiting for my mother in a pub in Mooroolbark this evening, reading my book and half-listening to conversations. Overheard the following:-

  • "So her mate had this "Friend with benefit" and she slept with the "Friend with benefit" and got Gonorrhea off him, and she gave it to her boyfriend. He told her, and she told him that she got it off a toilet seat. As if you can get an STD without swapping body fluid!"
  • "So for thirty bucks you get this full body massage. Head to toe, mate. And there's this hole in the table, and you flop it through, and she finishes, and for an extra twenty five she'll pull you off. It's the best feeling in the world, mate. Been there done that"
  • "That bastard next door. Every time I'm doing the dishes in the nude, he's standing there watching me. And he just stands there and smiles. It's enough to make you want to close the blinds"

I'd forgotten what living in the Outer East was like.

N.B The book was Belle De Jour, The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl.

5 comments:

Ant Rogenous said...

Awesome! Hang around there long enough and you'll fill a book.

I grew up in the outer south-east, and worked the bar in a rough-as-guts pub there for a few years. I can't top any of your overheard lines, but one bloke did shit in a pot glass and leave it on the bar for me after I'd cut him off.

Memories...

Keri said...

Well, I can't top that either, so it looks like a one all draw.

And given that it's a pub in Mooroolbark, I'm not sure I want to hang around all that much. Even if I could get a book out of it.

John Surname said...

Look, if that person wants me to put on clothes while I do the dishes she should ask.

Keri said...

John, SHE was naked, not the guy smiling at her.

Seriously though, why is everyone so much more naked in the Outer East? Is it something in the water?

Jeremy said...

All three of those are gold.