Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I’ve received an e-mail with a few questions, which I thought I might as well answer here to save anyone else asking them.

No, I don’t still talk to my ex. No, there was no nastiness about why we are not speaking, we just aren’t. I can’t speak for him, nor would I attempt to, but the reason I don’t attempt contact with him is simply because I don’t feel the need to. I’ve moved on, I’m sure he has as well, and I’m leaving it at that.

Yes, I do believe you can be friends with an ex. I do believe in platonic friendship between men and women, and I think it’s possible even with people who have had a relationship at some stage. My best mate A is a man, and there’s more chance of me sleeping with a 3000-year-old mummy than with him. As long as you are both on the same page, I don’t see why it would be an issue. Not everyone believes this, though, and it’s up to the individual.

No, I don’t feel any bitterness towards The Boy. He’s not a bad person. He did things I didn’t like sometimes, but so does everybody. He made a decision he thought was right for him at the time, and though I didn’t like how he did it, I wouldn’t have liked it no matter how he did it, so it’s all academic, really. I don’t hold grudges; I don’t hold anything for him, actually. He’s a part of my life I can’t and don’t want to erase – if I did, I’d lose every happy memory I had with him – and there were many, and I would not be the person I am now. But that’s about it, really. I don’t feel anything – bitterness, regret, anger, love, hate. The past is the past. I can’t change it now, nor would I want to. I would love to tell you everyone gets to that stage, but I know people who have split up with exes and cursed their name until the day they die. I’m just not one of those people. I hope he’s happy and he took a lot away from our time together.

The other question I was asked was how what I feel about B compares to what I felt for The Boy. Well, it doesn’t, because they are very, very different people. I met them in completely different circumstances in different times in my life. I think it would do a disservice to all involved (and even those not!) to make any kind of comparison on how I feel. But yes, they are very different – looks, personality, likes and dislikes – there’s no question they’re different. But that doesn’t mean anything in terms of how I feel. It’s different – of course it’s different! And that’s a good thing. If every relationship were exactly like the one before, why would you ever bother starting another one?

And lastly, No. Emphatically No. I am not afraid to trust again. Something I realised a long time ago was that trusting someone is as much about trusting your own judgement of people, as it is about how much those people deserve your trust. And I’ve always said that I won’t let things that have happened in the past effect how I judge other people. THEY didn’t hurt me, so why would I hold them accountable for it?

Bah! That’s my last word on the subject. I don’t want this to be about post-morteming to death something that doesn’t exist anymore. I am happy, I have so much to be thankful for, and dwelling on the past isn’t adding to that. So, if you please, no more questions, because I won’t be answering them!

Oh, and feel free to actually put things in the comments section rather than e-mailing me.

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